so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
