So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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