so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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