so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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