So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
