are you so shy because you have an std?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
