I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
