So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just cropdusted the office
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
