that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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