She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
