Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
