So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
