how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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