i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
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I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
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Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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