Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
