I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
