Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
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We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
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Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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