why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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