hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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