She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
