I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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