How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
