i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
