I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
