i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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