There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
