I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
