we have pet lesbian snakes
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
