how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
