wat bout pragnant strippers??
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
