i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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