I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
