I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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