I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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