she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
