hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
