guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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