going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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