I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
