Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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