I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
