is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
