My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
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