why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
