Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
