When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
