Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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