I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
