he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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