Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
