Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
