I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
