In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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