mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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