what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
