Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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