WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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