I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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