doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
