Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
