my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
