Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
