Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
