I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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