i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you had me at cake vodka
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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