So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
