The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Randomize
