i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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