I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
