I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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