My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
