I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me