ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.