she smelled like a LAN party
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS