so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.