i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?