Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?