I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it