He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
