Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
