So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Randomize
