With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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