I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
