woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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