When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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