I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
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So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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