He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
