six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
