do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
