waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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