apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
